He never loved and that was the truth…
He felt devoid, all emotions muted to a soulless background as he stared at the dark cave ahead. The days that stretched into weeks and then months until he finally tracked his mark…here.
This one was the most difficult to track down and it was no surprise that Xaz warned him ages ago that tracking anyone…anyone else would be a luxury compared to tracking down one of their own, one of the Black Caste.
How many cities had he searched until all the clues brought him to Laura? He lost count and although Laura was as dangerous a place as the streets of Port Kar it did have one thing that he needed the most, information. His quarry was here, months ago and from what the locals told him the man knew he was being followed. That put some ease in his mind and even more when he was told that the man he sought was last seen heading deep into the woods, so no more cities to hide in, nowhere else to run. He left Laura immediately even though he wouldn’t have minded staying a few days more but he wanted this done although going into the woods wasn’t exactly something he was going to relish either and in truth after he left the wooden gates of that town he felt something inside him tell him that he may never see anything as civilized as the backwater town again.
The wilderness had its own dangers, predators galore and all after human blood but that was not the worst. There were Outlaw camps here and there and they would certainly have slit his throat and took whatever of value he had on him, if they ever saw him or had the remote skill to carry out the act and yet that was not the worst. The worst came as he went deeper into the woods and discovered the tell tale clues of something more attuned to the surroundings…Panthers.
He watched from the trees as they hunted their prey, as they carried off their kills to the camp. Women that had long forsaken any attachments to their role and had shunned the notion of man in any position of dominance. Oh how they would have liked to get their hands on him! He had to wonder for a brief moment how different would their perception of him they would have. He doubted any of their kind would have known what he was and he would have even more doubted they would have greeted him with fear and dread if he walked into the middle of their camp as so many Free men and women in countless of cities had done before.
Most likely they would have greeted him with a spear to his back and who knows what then? The stories told of Panthers were just as wild as the stories accredited to his Caste. He once heard some drunken fool say that Panthers never keep their captures alive, that all was food in their eyes and that they were cannibals with fangs for teeth. He didn’t know how much truth there was in that but he wasn’t about to find out first hand, besides they were not his prey, and so he moved on looking for his own tell tale signs of the prey he was looking for until after so many weeks it led him to the cave. His steps were purposeful with no hint of hesitation or trepidation, his heart beating at a steady pace as he left the light of the day and went into the darkness of the cavern.
Was he truly dead inside that he could feel no fear of what may come? Was he even worried that these could be the last steps he took as one of the living? He could not answer those questions, even now after all the days and all the lands he traveled to get to this one moment in time he could not even delve into such introspection. There was a light up ahead in the damp darkness one whose source he knew so well. The path led to a small cavern that was closed off in a dead end and the campfire was bright enough that he could see the face of the figure on the other end.
“At last” said the man that sat there with a tired smile on his face “I was wondering if I was ever going to see the face of my pursuer.”
The Assassin pulled his sword and the man that was sitting on the ground held up his hand and said “there is no need for that right now Killer, I know your purpose here and if fate wills it you will leave this place alive and I will be nothing but rotting bones but I would have your name first and maybe if you are so inclined we could sit for a moment and …talk.”
The Killer thought for a moment with his head tilted to the side. He expected a lot of things from his prey, if past experience was an example then shock would have been the most common response followed by terror, but this man was strangely at ease. The Killer sheathed his sword and sat down cross-legged across the other side of the fire and said lowly “I am Daved, you are Nakir. You have betrayed your caste and will be killed for it.”
Nakir nodded at that and said “in time Daved. And I am sure you are anxious to get the business of killing underway but perhaps you would afford us both some time with some food and drink and some conversation? I promise it will be brief.” Daved looked at Nakir, whatever sketches of the man he had in his pocket didn’t do any justice. Nakir was skinny to the point of looking almost skeletal, he looked like he hadn’t eaten in days and had an unhealthy pallor to his skin. Whatever the case may be the rodent that was cooking on the fire smelled good but Daved wasn’t about to take a chance. He pulled a small piece of jerky from his own pocket and chewed on it slowly as Nakir looked at him as if disappointed and then shrugged as he pulled a leg off the rodent and began to chew. “So rarely I get a chance to sit down and just eat” said Nakir as he chewed and then swallowed his food “you had me going on the run for a few months now.”
“Seven” added Daved as he pulled a leather bound canister from his belt and took a small drink of water to wash down the jerky .
“Ah seven” amended Nakir as he grabbed a dirty wooden cup and drank his own water. Setting down the cup and pointing to his face Nakir said “this is what happens to a man on the run, he starts to get forgetful of his meals, he loses sleep, and he spends most of his days and nights plotting how to elude his pursuers.” Tossing the stripped bone of the rodent over his shoulder Nakir continued “If it wasn’t for the training I had and the experience you may have caught me sooner. I take it Xaz was the one that sent you; he always was one to settle accounts. You can possibly get away with some things around him but sooner or later he will settle up.”
Daved looked up as he tossed the piece of jerky in his hand to the side and asked “was it worth it? Was it worth your fall from grace and the price to be put on your head? Was it worth this end to your life where no one will remember you as anything but a traitor?”
He didn’t realize it but his voice had a tinge of tightness to it that was attributed to his anger at the man, he thought he mastered that part of his emotions to keep in check but Nakir caught on right away and chuckled lowly as he said “ah…some emotion at last from you! I was beginning to wonder if you had any left inside! The training takes away so much of what was once us, so much of our humanity is crushed under the cruel teachings our caste follows it is wonder that there is a shred of anything that separates our souls from a bag of stones.”
Daved didn’t react to that, he had heard this sort of talk before and usually the ones that uttered them didn’t last long in his caste. He instead said “you never answered my question.”
“Quite right” agreed Nakir “You asked me if it was worth this, I will answer, SHE was worth all this.” “Then you are a fool” replied Daved “to forsake everything you ever were, to turn your back on your brothers just for the love of some woman that promised you power, you know the past of our caste and you know what has happened in when one of our kind seeks that kind of power, it never ends well. What made you think you would be any different?”
Nakir looked at Daved over the fire and then sighed and said “I didn’t think I would be any different but I didn’t want to live the rest of my life as some mindless killer either. Sure you can tell me how you are more focused than you ever have been and I do not deny you that and you can tell me that you have found a purpose that gives you something meaningful to hang on to and I will not disagree but for me I needed something more and for a brief time in my life I found what I needed.”
Now Daved smirked, inwardly appalled now that he dropped his emotional wall to do it as he said “and did your “lady love” find what she needed when she was killed?” Nakir looked at Daved a moment before lowering his eyes and shaking his head as he said with a sigh “she knew the risks as much as I did” Looking up he said “I have answered your questions now I have one for you, have you ever loved anyone?”
Daved at first couldn’t answer that, the question itself was something alien to him now but he did have the memories of what he once was and every memory like a dusty old room rarely viewed but he could recall the gentle faces of his past and he did say honestly “I have and I have paid a very heavy price for it.”
“But you do not have any regrets do you?” asked Nakir and by the way he leaned forward Daved could tell that any answer he gave was going to be important to the man. Daved looked back steadily and said “regrets…I used to have legions of them, now I have none, now I am empty of those things.”
Nakir looked at Daved sadly but for Daved he couldn’t tell if the man was genuine with his expression or not, but it wouldn’t matter in a few moments anyway. “I am deeply sorry for that” Nakir said “you are a fine assassin but in the end that is all you will be.” Nakir tilted his head to the side at a sheath propped up against the wall of the cavern and said “the blade is rusted and the dagger I tossed away long ago. I will go to the Cities of Dust by your blade but a far better person than what you could ever be in life.”
Daved stood quickly and drew his sword, no more words were needed now, and his blade spoke for him.
He emerged from the cave just as the sun was going down. He never loved and that was the truth but for the moment he allowed himself that lie.
